Hail Cesar! How My Dog Was Lost So I Could Be Found.
~ by Peter Baxter - June 2014

Every Easter I am reminded about my beloved pet Schipperke Cesar who died on Palm Sunday in 2006 under very tragic conditions that would serve to mark my own transformation.

What happened to me that day was by far the most traumatic thing that ever occurred to me. Very late on a Saturday night Cesar suddenly began convulsing hysterically and was literally trying to climb the walls. The buzz-kill from my night of consuming beer and cocaine was instant, as I knew right away something terrible was happening. He was freaking out and I was too.

My initial gut feeling, later proved true, was that Cesar had been poisoned by having ingested the drug Ecstasy. It was given to him by an acquaintance of my girlfriend who had invited herself over to my house, something strange and without precedent. During Cesarʼs extended seizure I blatantly accused her of poisoning him after having found my unfinished TV dinner was moved from the kitchen to Cesarʼs bowl area. She had put the pill in with the food knowing he would eat it as any dog would.

As Cesarʼs condition deteriorated over the next few minutes, which seemed like hours, I became distraught, confused, and furious. Now knowing full well what she had done, I lashed out at her and she fled the scene. I pondered calling an ambulance but given the late Saturday night time as the busiest for them, I decided to take Cesar to the 24 hour vet for emergencies even though I was in no condition to drive. But no risk was too great to save my little buddy. As I pulled in the parking lot at the vet some twenty minutes later, now after midnight, I heard a sound I will never forget. It was a loud and audible gasp of Cesarʼs last breath. He had been motionless while lying in the front seat of my car but now he was lost and I sobbed in my parked car for a while before driving home.

I decided not to take him into the vet because I knew there was no bringing him back. I did consider having an autopsy done to help prosecute the girl but decided that would be too much for me to bear. The next day I buried him in the woods very close to my house. For a few days I imagined putting a gun to her head as she dug her own grave next to Cesarʼs before being executed by me. I awoke on Palm Sunday in 2006 to a nightmare that I had wished was just a bad dream but it wasn’t. It was by far was the worst day I ever had.

The tragedy was amplified by the shocking truth that just two days earlier I decided to give my other dog Dodger back to the breeder as I couldn’t get him house trained. Now they were both gone and I was alone and in pain. The next day my healing began. I called the breeder and told him I had made a mistake in returning Dodger and wanted to buy him back again so he delivered him back to me that Tuesday. I now had Dodger back and I would have paid any price for him that day.

I then booked a trip to a place I had wanted to visit for some time - the Navajo retreat at the Four Corners in NE Arizona. That seemed appropriate given my desire to go to the most remote place to be found in the US to get away from it all and soak in what had just happened. I was then still having aftershock tremors as I began thinking about what had happened to Cesar and also that I had given Dodger away. Both of these things were shocking to me and I began to wonder- were they somehow related?

I left for Arizona on Good Friday and arrived at the Four Corners in the late afternoon. I spent all day Saturday with a Navajo guide who was with me only and I admired the splendor and majesty of the Canyon de Chelly. For the first time that week I had forgotten about the tragedy for just a little bit. I left there Easter morning at sunrise and drove to Scottsdale where I was staying for one more day at the Conference Center Resort. As sunset approached that night I took a stroll down McCormick Parkway and approached a particular spot and suddenly a very clear and powerful thought came to me- Scottsdale, Arizona is my new home. It was no doubt my higher self coming through louder and clearer than ever before. At once I decided at once to move here, even though I still had a home in Atlanta. As I looked around me in that moment there at that spot I saw all the beauty surrounding me there with the mountains, lakes and gorgeous landscaping. My home for the next four years was just a few yards from the spot where I had this vision. The next day I signed the lease to rent that condo just a few hours before my flight home.

From sunrise to sunset on that Easter Sunday I went from a lifelong resident of Georgia to a permanent home here in Arizona. Dodger and I drove from Atlanta to Scottsdale a few weeks later to begin our new life here. It was the best decision I ever made. It may have seemed strange to my family and friends at the time given that I did not know a soul in all of Arizona but often the best decisions we make are the ones that are bold and challenging.

The night I arrived in Scottsdale I turned on the TV to watch the NBA finals and noticed an infomercial on the local cable access station that was featuring Pets on Wheels. Instead of flipping to the game, I watched it for a short while and decided then Dodger and I would join that program. It has been a blessing for us both. Happy in my new home here, I relinquished all thoughts of revenge and forgave the woman who murdered Cesar realizing it was all part of a larger plan. I couldn’t help but think there was some clever work here being done by my guardian angel and guides to steer me to Scottsdale and Pets on Wheels and then the Logos Group in 2007.

When I look back on what really went down that fateful Saturday night I am awestruck knowing now that by giving Dodger away on that Thursday night I had unwittingly helped him secure a safe harbor for a few Days. Otherwise it is likely he would have met the same fate as Cesar. I thank my guardian angel and guides each day for all they’ve done for me but especially what they did in April 2006. It must have taken some cunning on their part to make it go down the way it did.

For years I had been a functioning addict who was fortunate my addiction did not undermine my career or my close family and friends relationships. My addiction was in stealth form, lacking any dramatic flare-up yet steady over several years. It was taking a toll on my physical and mental health and led me into pursuits like the JFK and Illuminati conspiracies. My angels and guides must have known that the only way I would ever reform would be through the trauma that would come from the one thing I most cared about - my beloved Cesar.

Looking back I can still hardly believe I gave Dodger away and I’m sure those who know me today would be shocked to hear that. But I believe on that day there were some very large forces in play as someone was watching over Dodger and me. I am very blessed by what transpired following this tragedy as I have not done any drugs at all since moving here. I believe Cesarʼs sacrifice is ample inspiration to overcome any temptation that may ever arise. It seems right to me that only after being well on my way to recovery would I discover the Logos Center and begin my spiritual development in earnest and be able to adapt to a different lifestyle here in Arizona.

I have wondered recently if it was possible Cesar volunteered for this sacrifice to further my soul growth. As fate would have it I was introduced recently to a pet medium at a Pets-on-Wheels meeting. I made an appointment with her to connect with Cesar to express my love and appreciation for what he did and to hear from him. My reading on Cesar was last week and confirmed my belief that this was all planned and coordinated by much larger forces.

The most stunning revelation was the first thing she said- that Cesar told her he died on April 9th. I was relieved and excited knowing she was the real deal as she had just confirmed the exact date of his death without any prior information from me about Cesar other than his name. What she said next was also crucial- Cesar told her we both had an agreement before we were born that he would sacrifice himself to further my soul growth. He did and I am now doing much better thanks to his selflessness and courage and I will always be so grateful to him. For me the takeaway is this- sometimes our pets can play a much bigger role in our lives than we could ever imagine. I know this was true for me.

Today I am fortunate to see the events in April 2006 in a much better light but still shake my head in awe at what Cesar and my angels did for me. Hail Cesar - you will always be my hero and I will never forget you.

Every Easter I am reminded about the spirit of renewal and how Cesar was lost so I could be found.